The Other Side of Midnight
by kayladw7
Summary: Having no recollection of her past except for a cold winter night, her mother, and a man in a light brown jacket; Liesel Ackerman joins the Survey Corps in hopes of piecing together her past.
1. Prologue

My mother's departure had been by far the most unceremonious event of my life.

Though I was hardly two at the time, I vividly remember my mother's placid face the night she bid me farewell. All of my childhood before that point is lost on me.

I'd been lying in my bed for a while unable to sleep, watching the flurries of snow dance outside of my window. Mother had sent me off to bed early when a man in a bronze jacket appeared at our door. I remember hearing their raised voices and her pleas before he abruptly left.

For what felt like hours, I lied there waiting. Waiting for her to come in and tell me everything was okay and sing me to sleep.

The door finally did creak open, mother creeping into the room as quietly as she could. I fought the urge to turn and look at her, instead choosing to pretend that I was asleep.

I small chuckle escaped her lips as she sat down beside me. "Liesel," she whispered my name in a soothing tone, stroking my raven black hair. "I know you're awake."

I smiled, snapping my head back to look at her. The moon danced in her cool, chocolate eyes as she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me close. I turned my head back, resting my cheek against the pillow. A yawn left my mouth and I closed my eyes.

 _On the wind,_

 _Across the sea_

 _Hear this song and remember_

The memory of that night plays in my mind as a fifteen meter abnormal Titan holds me in its grasp. It stares at me, not with the typical wild eyes of any other Titan - even Eren, for that matter - but with a calm gaze.

Quite ironic. Be at peace while I devour you.

Tears involuntarily stream down my face. It's night and I'm on the wrong side of the walls. Captain Levi isn't here to save me this time. Neither is Commander Erwin or Eren or Reiner. I'm all alone.

Hot, putrid breath fills my nostrils as the Titan draws my closer to its mouth. Without lips, it appears to be smiling. Flat incisors fill the jaws; the blood of my comrades staining the yellow teeth. Thick, sticky saliva extends as its mouth opens more and more.

If the beast holds me any tighter, I will explode.

Slowly, as if it'll give me a few seconds more to live, I look into the eyes of my predator again. It's long black hair kisses my face as it continues to stare with its large ebony orbs.

Why doesn't it just eat me already? Does it feel joy in watching my fear? The fear that until now I didn't know existed?

 _Soon you'll be_

 _Home with me_

She plants a gentle kiss on my cheek. I'm already half asleep.

The last thing I hear is the light clicking noise the door makes as it closes, sealing me to my night's slumber.

In the morning, she is gone. Only the memory of the night before remains. Nothing more.

 _Things my heart used to know_

 _Things it yearns to remember_

I grow closer to its mouth with every millisecond. This is really it! I'm finally going to die after all of my recklessness! This is the end!

No! I force the thoughts from my head.

It was my decision to join the survey corps. It was my choice to give away my equipment to save someone else.

Death over life was my choice. And it is a choice that even into death, I will not regret.

* * *

A/N: So I'm really just experimenting with this fanfic. The lyrics in it are from Once Upon a December, though it won't play a huge part until much later. I plan to continue it depending on its reception so please tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter One

White flakes of frozen water shimmers down from the gray sky onto the straw-like grass that covers the training fields. The cadets pay little attention to it as they continue to practice their hand to hand combat. Daddy stands watching with his usual stoic face, most likely clicking his tongue at each of them.

Giggling, I press my face to the glass and make a face, waiting for him to look my way.

"You know, I don't think your father would be happy about you dirtying his window," a strong, monotonous voice speaks from the doorway. I gasp and jump away from the window, the sudden sound scaring me. Whipping around, I am quick to notice the missing mustache and beard and frown, coming to the realization that he is not Mike Zacharias but rather Commander Erwin Smith.

I feel the heat drain from my cheeks as I scowl at him, turning my attention back to the scene outside. "You can just leave whatever it is on the desk. He'll see it," I dismiss him. Rather than seeing the short man who takes care of me, there is no one.

"Oi, brat, get your filthy hands off of the window," he says cooly from behind me. Commander Smith chuckles slightly from his seat in front of Daddy's desk and my face heats up again.

Ever since I was nine when Daddy brought me here from the orphanage in Wall Sina and I met the Erwin, I've despised him. I feel that he is selfish in the way that he so willingly sends people to be fed to the titans beyond the walls. He has no emotions or any humanlike qualities and is seemingly aware of it. For that, I hate him.

I sit in the chair next to the Commander, swinging my legs. In my father's steely eyes, I see some type of emotion that I'm not familiar with. He masks it immediately though, narrowing his eyes at me.

"Don't you have something to go clean? I'm sure your room is filthy," he frowns at me. This is his way of telling me to leave. Sending the Commander one final glare, I saunter off to my room.

"It will be time for her to go soon," I hear Erwin say to my father. Without even being in the room, I know that there is a glare fixed on his face.

I had often asked him about enlisting when I was bored while sitting helping him with his paperwork. Each and every time he would either shoot me a look to let me know that I've said something stupid or he would tell me that my question was not worthy of a response.

While this didn't at all deter my desire to follow in his footsteps, I understand why he is so adamantly against it. I've seen the mountain of bodies piled up in the carts whenever an expedition has concluded. Those who did manage to survive more than likely had limbs missing. All were traumatized. All except Erwin Smith, of course.

"She knows how I feel about that, but ultimately it's her choice."

If the Commander wants to continue with his questions, he does not. They instead discuss the contents of the paperwork brought in. They speak only for a few more minutes before Commander Smith takes his leave. Not wasting any time, I rush back to my seat in front of my father. Wordlessly, he picks up his pen and begins his work.

"I finished cleaning my already clean room," I declare, crossing my arms. "Can we go now?"

"No," he shoots down, barely allowing me to finish my question.

"But you promised! You said that when you finished with the cadets, you'd take me to go practice-"

"Not now, Liesel, I'm busy," he again answers, not bothering to look at me. Instead, he takes a small stack of papers from the stack before him and offers them to me. With an audible sigh, I take them along with a pen and start.

For what seems like hours, I sit in the leather chair writing everything that he dictates for me to. It appears that we're doing the work of the Commander.

By the time we are nearly finished, the sun is beginning to set. My stomach growls lowly and I cough to attempt to cover the awkward sound. Before he has the chance to click his tongue at me or say something nasty, I open my mouth to speak.

"What if I joined the military?"

Though my question is only a hypothetical - or maybe just to make conversation, I'm not really sure - I'm quite curious if he'll give me the same answer that he gave Commander Smith earlier.

"Tch, he sounds, closing the folder containing all of his work. He narrows his eyes at me momentarily before standing and walking towards the door.

I follow like a lost puppy.

"Regardless of how many times I try to dissuade you; no matter how many times you see the mangled bodies of those of us who go beyond the walls, you'll always want to go and see for yourself," he begins, walking down the halls with me to go eat. His expression is stormy, and yet at the same time calm. "Enlisting is a choice that you'll have to make for yourself. Whether or not you like it once you're there…that's something you'll just have to live with."

I sit down at a table with my father away from the cadets. We eat our soup and drink our tea in utter silence, the hot liquid slowly running down my throat to my stomach and giving me a warm feeling in contrast to the coolness surrounding me. Soon, his squad enters. I hear Petra and Olou bicker amongst one another as he attempts to casually mimic my father. Eld, surprisingly even speaking at all, interjects something that causes both to silence. Gunther only hints a smile.

Glancing up from my soup, I meet the amber eyes of the only female in the Special Operations squad. A bright, friendly smile graces her features as she lifts her hand in a wave at me. Distaste fills my being.

Petra Ral, and I am certain, has a crush on my father. I've not figured out yet whether or not he knows.

Much to my annoyance, she takes a seat right next to father with the same stupid grin on her face. Olou sits across from her beside me while Eld and Gunther sit across each other.

A seemingly massive hand presses down on my head roughly, messing up my hair.

"Don't touch me," I whisper, barely audible. A smug smirk falls onto his duck-like face.

"What was that, kid? I didn't-"

"Why do you always have to be such a pest?" Petra asks in my defense. I notice her glance at me for a split second, searching for approval that she won't ever get. "She established already that she doesn't like you."

Daddy clicks his tongue at that and I smile in an almost proud way. From the first time that I'd met the fool, I'd vocalized my dislike of him. On several occasions I told him that directly, though he most likely took it with face value; a young child just throwing insults. Little did he know, I meant it with all of my heart.

And then, as if to rescue me from my feelings, waltzes in the Commander. These are the only times that I'm happy to see him because I know that Squad Leader Mike will be here within the minute.

And I'm not wrong. Mike Zacharias walks in exactly forty-two seconds after Erwin with the titan-lover Hange Zoë. He wears his usual calm expression as she nearly shouts in his ear about her latest testing subjects, Chikachironi and Albert. Almost as if to encourage her excitement, he offers a nod here and an occasional sound or word. When he turns to find his seat, his brown eyes meet mine and my heart flutters.

"Liesel!" Hange's loud voice erupts, loud enough to make everyone cover their ears. She jumps excitedly, rushing towards my table. My father narrows his eyes and watches her while still sipping his tea.

"Liesel! Albert and Chikachironi miss you! Why don't you come with me to visit them after dinner?" She eyes me expectantly as if her life depends on my saying yes.

"I feel that isn't exactly a good thing…"

Latching onto my arm, she attempts pull me out of my seat but is swatted by my father before she can. "What the hell do you think you're doing, shitty glasses?"

Her large eyes widen through her glasses as she clasps her hands together excitedly. "Do you want to come too, shorty?"

"I'll be careful," I promise him before he can respond to her. Taking my hand again, Hanji drags me like a child to where she has the two monsters tied down. Albert, a six meter titan with light brown hair and blue almost grey eyes, is nailed down with ropes holding down his neck. His eyes are half-lidded but then widen as Hanji steps before him.

Chikachironi is completely attentive, making a strange noise. The ropes that hold him creak.

"You remember Liesel, don't you?" She asks in a sing-song voice to Albert, stepping a little too close. As if it understands what she's asked, the beast's eyes flash to me with an indisputable desire to eat me.

Until the sun has finally gone down, she talks at length about her research and the experiments that she's begun to conduct on the two titans. It's all but clear that Chikachironi is her favorite and she often refers to both of them like she would a human. Her antics are intriguingly terrifying.

When they've both become too lethargic, she sends me off back to Daddy's office. The bitterly cold air nips at my nose unforgivingly. Dreading having to remove my hand from the warmth of my pocket, I quickly raise my hand and knock twice on the door.

"Name and business," he states cooly.

"Liesel Ackerman," I sigh. "I live here."

"Tch," I hear him as he shuffles to the door. My teeth chatter uncontrollably as I wait, balling my hands into fists in an attempt to keep them semi-warm. When he finally decides to open the door, after standing there for nearly five minutes, I'm met by his dull blue eyes. To anyone else, his expression would appear to be his usual indifference but I know him well enough to know better.

Cautiously, I slide past him and into the much warmer office. "You don't have to say anything," I start with a smile. "The look said it all."

"Brat," he insults with a hint of a smirk. I feel my smile fall though as I turn to see him removing his jacket. It doesn't usually bother me, seeing that same light brown jacket hundreds of times everyday, but it suddenly does. My mind draws back to that night so many years ago to the glimpse of that same jacket. The same jacket with that same patch.

"What?" I hear him ask after a while, gazing up at me from his unfinished paperwork. I realize that I've been staring.

"So… I have your approval with the whole enlisting thing?" I suddenly ask, taking a couple of steps across the room towards his desk. His eyes fall back down and he nods solemnly.

Excitement swells my being as I flounce away towards my room. When the snow finally goes away and gives way to spring, I'll be able to enlist in the Training Corps.

I'll be one step closer to finding that man.


End file.
